Ridiculous Retaliation!
by Ky Hakubi
Summary: Ever seen those pairings that just don't make any sense? Well here's the creme of the crop! A oneshot mockery of all those mind numbingly weird pairings out there.


Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto, nor any character's within this story. I make no profit, though I do amuse myself, and occasionally others which suits me just fine.

AN: Well, after looking around the site I've come to a conclusion. People like pairings that make absolutely no sense whatsoever. In that vein, I bring this bit of idiocy to the table. A mockery of pairings everywhere! Let the madness begin!!!

Iruka's Lonely Heart A waste of time by: Ky Hakubi (you have been warned)

Iruka sat at his desk as class let out for the evening. Watching all those young girls obsess over the sole Uchiha in Konoha made him realize just how lonely he was.

Iruka wanted a lover.

He wanted one bad.

He walked to the window and gazed out into the azure sky; wished to find his soul mate.

He prayed to all the kami he could think of, and some he made up on his own, 'Let me find my true love.'

-ooo-

Somewhere deep within the Wave Country, Zabuza The Demon of the Bloody Mist sneezed.

End.

AN: So, how's that? Ridiculous enough yet? No? Well, try this one!

Sakura's Strange Situation More time wasting by: Ky Hakubi (warnings apply again)

Sakura felt a strange pull in her heart. She knew she couldn't let Sasuke chase after that demon from Sunagakure alone, yet she was called to the roof of a building very close to the arena Gaara just fled from, Sasuke in hot pursuit.

Her indecisiveness made up her mind for her. There was no way to catch up to Sasuke now. Not in time to be of any use, or at least that was what she convinced herself to believe.

Following her heart, she headed toward the building.

Landing on the roof, she advanced forward and watched in awe as the Sandaime squared off against his former pupil. She wisely chose to retreat, but it was too late for that. A large purple barrier prevented her from fleeing to safer grounds.

Luck was with her, as the deadly jutsu being hurled by both parties seemed to stop just shy of her position. It did nothing to quell her fear.

There was a strange stirring within her heart as Orochimaru flashed through seals, eventually clapping his hands together. Her blood pounded in her veins as three coffin-like objects arose from the ground.

She shook her head and counted again. There were only two.

'I must be a little dizzy,' she thought to herself. 'I could have sworn there were three there a second ago.'

Her confusion was short lived as two vaguely familiar faces stepped out of the caskets.

The Snake Sanin laughed as he placed two pieces of paper in the newcomers' backs.

Sarutobi fumed in rage and disbelief. Sakura wasn't sure what upset him. These two guys were dreamy!

Looking upon such mature men, she didn't know why she wasted time chasing after Sasuke for so long!

"My loves! I must have you both!" she cried as she ran into the battlefield, arms thrown out to embrace the two loves of her life.

As she neared, their faces came into focus. They were the First and Second Hokages! She was in love with two of Konoha's greatest legends! Her heart leapt at her good fortune! She cried tears of joy as she glomped her loves.

Overwhelmed by Sakura's devotion, the two former Kage's broke free of Orochimaru's vile jutsu. The Hidden Leaf betrayer could only twitch his eye in fear before Konoha's three greatest ninja turned him into a steaming pile of refuse.

Sakura was bursting with bliss at the strength her loves possessed.

The three were married within a week.

End.

AN: So, have I succeeded? Shall I continue? One more? Alright. Can't let the readers down can I?

Anko, and the Demons of the Mist Yet another waste of time by: Ky Hakubi (last warning guys)

Anko cursed under her breath at the mission she was dispatched on. Recovering two chuunin level escapees was far beneath her skills!

Unfortunately, she wasn't the person signing off on her paychecks, so she'd have to deal with it.

Those Demon Brothers were going to be in for a world of pain when she caught up with them!

Splashing through a couple of puddles, she continued on her pursuit.

"…"

She skidded to a halt as she looked back at the trail she was following.

It hadn't rained recently, had it?

She was certain it hadn't, though she was indoors for a majority of the past few days.

Skintight leather just isn't too comfortable if its not oiled properly after all.

She shook her head clear of her sadist pleasures and slowly approached the suspect pools.

She was momentarily surprised as two figures suddenly emerged from the water, hurling most of the few kunai and shuriken they had managed to pilfer before making good on their escape.

Anko managed to use kawarimi before the barrage hit her.

The brothers Gozu and Meizu quickly scanned their surroundings, trying to locate their pursuer before she could retaliate.

Their skills were sorely lacking.

Neither brother knew what hit him as Anko burst from the ground between them and unleashed a swarm of serpents from her sleeves, entangling the escaped nins with angry constrictors.

Laughing as she pulled out her Bingo Book, she checked the entries for her captives.

"Hmm, the Demon Brothers, Gozu and Meizu. I must say, you're a lot cuter without those bulky breathing masks. Well, I've not had much free time lately, and I'm kind of antsy. I would ask if you two boys would help a girl relieve some stress, but its not really a choice for you," she said with a sadistic grin.

After some of the most painfully intense sex either brother had ever experienced, Anko grinned again.

"You can expect some more later."

She cackled insanely as she dragged her exhausted captives crying all the way back to Konoha.

End.

AN: Ha ha! More completely insane pairings! I'm surprised more of these haven't shown up! cackles madly Or maybe I've just lost my bloody mind... Oh well. No use crying over spilt milk. Now to find another trend to mock... maybe yaoi fics next... Send reviews! Comments! Criticisms! Or don't. It's up to you.

On a side note, unfortunately For Always: Legacy is on extended leave. I'm having a lot more trouble with it then I first imagined, so don't look for updates anytime soon. 


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